King of Diamonds is arguably the hip-hop world’s most famed strip club. It’s a 50,000-square-foot warehouse packed with more than 200 dancers, some famous for clinging to the rafters before spiraling down a pole as dollar bills fall like a summer downpour. “It’s like going to a party at LIV, but only bigger and with a lot of beautiful naked girls,” WorldStarHipHop founder Lee “Q” O’Denat once told New Times.

In other words, KOD is probably not the best venue for a “No ID” party for a bunch of teenage high schoolers. A party promoter learned that the hard way this week when his plans for a “Summer Teen Edition” at the club enraged parents and politicians.

“King of Diamonds, which is an adult entertainment strip club, should not have anyone in the club under 18,” says State Rep. Barbara Watson in a statement on the brouhaha. “My office has received calls from parents who are very upset that this is allowed to happen.”
The event, advertised in flashy neon handbills, was scheduled to go down on June 9 and cost $15 a pop (or $30 for a “VIP” experience.) `

When parents began complaining, the promoter, who goes by cash_time on Instagram but whose real name hasn’t emerged, protested that he’d only chosen KOD for its size. He planned to remove stripper poles and wouldn’t have any booze or exotic dancers on hand for the party, he told NBC6. (New Times left a message for the promoter but we haven’t heard back yet.)

Either way, both the promoter and the club canceled the party.

End of story, right? Not when there are outraged politicians with a point to prove! In fact, a whole busload of local leaders are going to head to King of Diamonds this afternoon, and not to enjoy the lunch buffet.
Three state reps, two school board members, a county commissioner, a state senate candidate, and two local mayors will all gather at KOD at 11:30 to decry the party — which, again, has already been canceled.
Get a load of the righteous moral panic in the statements those politicos sent out to reporters this morning:
“If you put lipstick on a pig, it’s still a pig,” says Miami-Dade County Commissioner Barbara Jordan. “It is unacceptable and inappropriate to expose teenaged children to a highly sexualized environment.”

Here’s Dr. Smith Joseph, Mayor City of North Miami: “It is with great sadness and disappointment that I am advised of an event that may entice and harm the youth in our community.”

And best of all, School Board Vice Chair Dr. Dorothy Bendross Mindingall, who opines that “there seems to be a war against our children. Evil surrounds them. We must eradicate this scourge. We have the weapons to win this war.”
A war against children! Waged by evil KOD strippers!

Hosting a teenage party at KOD was a very dumb idea. No one argues that. But the party got canceled. The protests worked. Why exactly are we all still yelling about this?

[THURSDAY, MAY 26, 2016 AT 8:45 A.M. BY TIM ELFRINK]